The Story of How We Met

We met online with no intentions of taking it offline. How did we meet and fall in love? 

You can read all about our story here. I was so excited to share our story with the founder of www.datingdivasites.com. 

Enjoy! 

The Problem with Twitter.

The problem with Twitter  me is that I love to think I have control. I love to promote myself. I want people to like me, follow me, and approve of me.

The problem with the internet is that we no longer need accountability before teaching. We no longer need permission to be heard. We no longer need preparation to speak.

Remember the story of Jesus as a child in the temple? It's in Luke ch2 staring at verse 40. His parents lost track of Him and when they found Jesus, He was in the temple among the teachers. The teachers were astonished at His intelligence. However, further development was necessary. Jesus being 100% God  though 100% had to humble Himself and go back with his parents to regular and every day life. :52 states that "Jesus increased in wisdom (in broad and full understanding) and in stature and years, and in favor with God and man.".

How much more should we humble ourselves? Becoming a Twitter or Internet teacher could very well be part of one's calling. I do not at all doubt the power and purpose of God in the interwebs. However, the challenge is to not become self-ordained, self-confident, self-educated prophets who are not yet equipped or fully developed for God's work. No one is perfect. This I know for sure.

I just know that God is calling me to humble myself enough to become more disciplined and to be dedicated to preparation for His plan. It may mean staying quiet when you want to speak or learning when you want to teach, but it's okay. Be patient. Be humble. Be faithful. His ideas are bigger and better than mine could ever be. That means letting go of my creativity and plans to see His at work in my life.

Lord, I surrender.

Dear baby,

We are a short while away from trying to conceive you, but only God knows when we you will join our little family. We love you, already. We do. 

We watched a documentary a couple of days ago called "The Business of Being Born". Yes, your daddy watched it too. We learned about how important it is for you to be held by me as soon as you are born. We  learned about the bond that you and I will one day share. We learned that God's design is perfect and though the process of labor and delivery is exquisitely natural, He has blessed man with knowledge to make interventions when necessary. 

With that being said, there is something that we want you to know. It's something that we want to continue to show you with our lives as you are born and as you will God willing continue to grow. We trust in God. Yes, we will do our research. Yes, we see Godly counsel. Yes, we pray for wisdom and strength to obey. Yes, we go to God's Word.

Our plan is for me to continue to become healthier and stronger in body, conceive you in a short while, and give birth to you in our cozy home while lying in our large tub. That's our plan at this moment, but regardless of what happens we want you to know that God's plan is perfect. We want you to know that we know that God's plan is perfect. We can trust Him with our lives and with yours. 

That's how we do it in this family. 

Sincerely, 

Me

" I want sex more than my husband."

I was not going to write this, but the bathroom changed my mind. 

 There I was online, when the urge hit to use the bathroom. This is not usually an event in our home as we are only two living in a 2,000sq ft home with two full bathrooms. Today was different.  Yes, this is all relevant.

Our master bathroom is having some plumbing issues which temporarily leaves us with one working john.  To my dismay, my husband was in the shower of that one working bathroom. This is the first time that this has happened in the time that we have been married. It was weird and downright awkward for me. I had so many questions. Do I barge in? Do I knock? Do I wait? I really did not know what to do.  I had the legitimate need and right to use that bathroom and had I knocked he would have let me in. My loving husband would not deprive me. In this situation, I decided not to exert my right.  After a moment of hesitation, I decided that the best way to serve my husband at that moment was to hold my…peace. So that is exactly what I did. Thankfully, I did not have to wait long.

This experience taught me something. I am not at all an expert, but I love to share what I know. It may not be popular, but it is important. It dawned on me that this occurrence is a darn good example of married sex. Sometimes, the urge hits. If you are reading this, it is probably because the urge hits quite often and quite intensely. Nothing is wrong with that, absolutely nothing. There is a challenge in that though. Does the urge give us the right to bypass our husband’s needs? In my opinion, no it does not.  To be fair, I am making a big assumption here. I am assuming that you are in a healthy marriage and that you and your husband are healthy individuals sexually and mentally. If this is not the case, I would strongly encourage you to contact a professional. Whether it is a medical doctor or counselor, there is help out there. Do not hesitate or be ashamed to reach out.  If this assumption holds true in your marriage, read on.  I am from the Carrie Bradshaw school of thought in regards to sharing about my sex life. Whether or not The Mr . colors in or outside the lines is not for the interwebs to know. Kudos to you if you get that reference. I will tell you this though. It is something that has pretty much rocked our socks off…and other unmentionables as well.  It is kind of like our special little secret. Here it goes.

Sex is not intended for me.

That’s right. Repeat after me, “Sex is not intended for me.”

Marriage is not about your needs sexually, emotionally, financially, or otherwise. It is about serving your spouse. Letting this attitude lead is absolutely liberating.  The Mr. shares the same mindset, and because of this we have … well, you really do not need to know all of that. However, this you need to know.  You are doomed if you go into marriage thinking that marriage is about your needs being fulfilled. I am sorry, but I know no pretty way to say it. Yes, marriage is beautiful and sex is great; but selfish sex is not satisfying sex.  Selfish sex is easy and cheap. It is like the vending machine in the break room. You put your dollar in, and get a packaged snack to chew on.  Unfortunately in about an hour you are hungry once again. Marriage sex is extravagant. Sometimes you have to make reservations in advance.  The menu prices are high, but the meal hits the spot every time.

The Bible puts it this way in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (MSG) : Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.

I challenge you. Instead of complaining, “I want sex more than my husband”; ask, “What does my husband need from me?”  Ask yourself, and ask him. Talk about it. Pray about it. Wife, hold your peace. Husband, pay the cost. When a husband and wife are both seeking to serve each the other, neither receives specifically what they request. Yet somehow, both needs are met.  

Single ladies: It's okay.

Photo credit: www.eons.com

You are complete in Jesus. 

Exhale.

Live. 

Dance. 

It's okay to breathe and let be. 

Three

Photo credit: www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com

Intentional Marriage

Work.

Life was different just weeks ago. Work was laundry, vacuuming, and making foods from scratch. It's not work anymore. Now, it's my day off.

I work about 30 hours a week, write, and will soon be starting a leadership training class at my church.

This is not a complaint. I realize that this is the easy stuff. Changing the water for my new little goldfish Google is nothing compared to changing diapers and late night feedings. We have no babies, yet. Life is easy now, yet its challenging.

It's also easy to get caught up in having dinner in front of the television instead in front of The Mr. It's easy for date nights to turn into group dates with our friends Facebook and Twitter. No bueno.

Intentional. Let's be intentional, not forceful. Intentional. Together with your spouse decide on a date night this week. Make it unplugged. No cell phones. No television or anything else that could be a distraction.

Be intentional in expressing your love, even more so than before. Be intentional in your forgiveness, because let's face it. You both get tired, and inevitably someone will do or say something that will come off the wrong way.

Most of all, be intentional in your prayers. Pray individually, but pray together. Daily.

Yup. This is how we do it.

Love is in the language.

Just a few days ago, The Mr. and I had the opportunity to spend some time with our wonderful friends who serve as missionaries in Thailand. You can read about their ministry here. They have been in Thailand for over a year, and a lot of that time has been spent learning the language.

Yes, learning the language.

You see the language is a tricky one. Different inflections make the same letters a different word. That is mind boggling amazing to me, yet by the grace of God our friends have learned so much. They shared a prayer in Thai and they even showed us how our names looked in the language. It was awesome. They learn so they can develop personal relationships with the people they long to serve. They don't learn it because it's easy. They don't learn it because it's convenient. They learn it to share the Gospel. It's a beautiful thing.

Culture.

We are surrounded by it. The culture of each city and workplace is different. Seek to learn the language. Seek to serve. Seek to share Christ.

Love is in the language.

The Prayer of the Employed Housewife

We all are housewives whether we work a 9-5 or not. I'm sorry, but it's true. Or at least it should be. However, that's another blog for another day.

Today, let's focus on this.

Pray for just enough.

"Dear Jesus, please help me to love my job just enough."

For loving it too much or too little could cause you to be consumed by it. May there be no be distractions in your role as a wise, God fearing, and beautiful housewife.

Proverbs 30:7-9
"...Give me enough food to live on, 
   neither too much nor too little. If I'm too full, I might get independent,
   saying, 'God? Who needs him?' If I'm poor, I might steal
   and dishonor the name of my God."

Accidently Fabulous

Now that I have the blessing and responsibility of being the wife to my (handsome, easygoing, intelligent, patient, and amazing) husband, I have been taking a closer look at Proverbs 31:10-31. Therein lies the infamous description of the virtuous woman aka the wife of noble character aka super woman. This woman is the real deal! She is a money saving, early rising, good humored, seamstress business woman who does her husband good all the days of her life. That's not even all of it. iDare you to read it for yourself.  Click here to do just that.

For a long time, this is what I envisioned this woman looking like. 

So that's what I thought I was supposed to become. If she did it so could I, right? Only one problem. I only have 2 arms. In the midst of my re-strategizing, something happened in my heart. 

Jesus spoke to it. 

He drew my eyes closer to the end of the passage. It was verse 30 in particular. It reads, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." 

I think it's important that I share the following before I continue. First of all, this passage was written as an acrostic poem. How cool is that?

Writing poetry is one of the things that I like to do from time to time. When writing poetry, there was always a special significance to the ending of the piece. You see the end of the piece is what usually tied everything together. It was that "Aha!" moment that gets responses in performance. 

Verse 30 was it, and my heart was exploding with response. I have heard this taught before, but there was revelation like never before this time around. Here's the earth shattering truth. Everything that I read about this woman was made possible and significant through her life of living in fear (reverence) of The Lord Jesus Christ. 

The beginning part of Psalm 111:10 says this, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom...."

Read it in the Amplified Version for a bit more detail. Right here.

How wonderfully poetic to put this foundational truth towards the end of the passage! 

Let's think about this some more. Let's put a face on this woman. If the fear (reverential fear and worship) of The Lord is the beginning of wisdom (and skill), then is it possible that this woman didn't even know how great she was? Is it possible that she did not have schooling on every single thing that she excelled in? Is it possible that she had some mistakes along the way? Is it possible that she was accidently fabulous?

I think so.We all have the need for God's mercy every single moment of every day. I think she simply knew one  thing, and she knew it well. Her secret was that she sought God. She lived in the fear of Him, and that was only the beginning. It was God that led her, prepared her, and made her this great woman that we compare ourselves to and lose. I'm beginning to think that she looks something like this.

I believe she looks more like us. She feels, thinks, and struggles like we do. I think she wakes up early in the morning to spend time alone with Jesus. She asks Him for direction and trusts Him enough to follow. God delights in her ways and brings her to places that she she never thought she would go. When given her turn to speak, I think she would carefully choose words greater than her own. I think she would put it this way.

"Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met." (Matthew 6:33 The Message translation)

*This is a re-post from a previous blog of mine. www.kristydares.blogspot.com It spoke to me this morning, so I wanted to share this with you as well. Hope it blesses you! 

5 Lessons from The Mr

This post is dedicated to the love of my life, the man that I am blessed to call husband. You teach me much just by the way you live. <3

THANK YOU.


1. Get ready first. Play later.
2. Never, ever, ever eat too late.
3. Spend time with Jesus, daily. No excuses.
4. The Biggest Loser is only a game show. Don't get too attached.
5. Don't quit. Persevere.

Single Problems

I was single before I met The Mr. Really. Really single.

Though I had gone on some dates with other men, The Mr. was my first boyfriend. I was well into my twenties at the time.

When single I received a lot of advice. Truthfully, I don't really remember much of it. I remember how it made me feel though.

It made me feel like I was some sort of incomplete being, though I didn't really feel that way (most of the time). It made me feel like I needed to be perfect in order to reach the royal state of marriage, and once perfect Mr. Right would come knocking at my door. He would come with a tuxedo and dozens of roses. That's how I would know that he was "The One". Shame on me if I settled for less.

I had a feeling they were wrong, but now that I have been married for more than a day I know for sure. This is wrong. So wrong.

Completion is found in Christ alone and has nothing to do with a ring on my finger or having someone to lay with at night. surprise. surprise. I am not perfect, and The Mr. has yet to show up in a tuxedo.

Let's be honest married folks. Settling for less has everything to do with character and little to do with gifts and romance. A marriage certificate is not the diploma of successful singleness. On the contrary marriage shows you just how imperfect you are. It bring out your weaknesses like no other. It brings you to a place of being at the end of yourself. You can either cling to yourself and watch your marriage crumble or cling to God's way of living and watch it thrive. You are married. You know that. I know that. Why aren't we sharing that with our single friends? I think it's because we are afraid. I think we are afraid that they will use this as an excuse to truly settle, in a bad way. We need to stop that foolishness though. Let's just be real, and let God handle the rest.

Amazingly enough, I was the Mr.'s first girlfriend. He was well into his twenties as well. We had no clue what we were doing when we started dating. I didn't know that I was "supposed to" watch gory movies without complaining, and he didn't know that he was "supposed to" show up to my home in a tuxedo with dozens of roses. Instead, I wound up falling asleep at the movies and he showed up at my door in his UCF shirt. Sounds so wrong, right?
Until you look a little further. We lived a two and a half hour drive from each other so the movies became a place to nap before heading out the road. He showed up at my house after a week of house hunting and work deadlines as I received news of my Grandmother's passing. For the first time in days, I was able to rest for a bit.

That's love.

What is my point? Don't reduce your love story to a formula. It's a beautifully complex story that deserves to be rightfully told. Also, don't judge your single friends by your actions when single. Allow them the opportunity to live, love, and write their own stories.

I find it a good thing to encourage our single friends, but let's be careful. That's all I am really saying.

Did I really cry over a banana?

You already know that God has been speaking to me about my eating and love of food. My devotion for food had become too much in my life, and my lack of healthy habits was becoming a hindrance. 

Before I knew it, I found myself at a cafe the next day with The Mr. I was stuck. Stuck like a deer in headlights. I had no idea what to order, and though the little voice inside whispered, "Eat as natural as possible". My flesh was opposed. Not completely opposed, but that's the most dangerous kind. 

You see something that is obviously opposed to the truth causes a knee jerk reaction. We know better, right? It's those subtle hints of, "That's true, but..." that often gets us in trouble. 

So what did The Mrs do? I ordered something "healthy', but not at all what God was leading me to do. It was some sort of lentil walnut concoction with a bottled water and banana. Inside I knew that a banana would be enough to fill me up, but I craved more. 

I love to eat. When the Mr and I went to the food counter, we realized that my lentil concoction was not on the receipt. The cashier did not ring it up. Coincidence? Nope. I don't think so. 

The Mr. was quick to want to go back and order it for me, but I told him no. Instead I went to the table with my banana and bottled water. 

"Okay, Lord. I don't feel strong, but you promised me strength."

Tears came to my eyes. (How embarrassing, right?) We prayed over our meal, and I began to eat. My stomach was full. Believe it or not. However, my flesh was dying. That hurt. 

It wasn't just about the banana or the lentil walnut mash-up that I really didn't think I would like anyhow. It was about the dying of my will. It was about the surrender. Again, I say. That hurt. 

Soon the tears flooded out of my eyes and down my face. It was pitiful. 

However, God gave me the strength. I stopped there. Stomach filled, and flesh emptying itself. 

It was a good place to be. I couldn't see it at the moment, but The Mr helped me to understand. 

Thank you honey. 

At the end of the day, we all have our "food". For me, it's well...food. For The Mr it's something else, and for you it may be something else altogether. The key is to let God have it. Let God shape it for His glory. 

I think He is slowly taking our "food" and exchanging it for His. 

John 4:34

"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.

Ministry in Marriage

May our marriages be good soil. 

Foolish

God's been pulling at my heart about something, something foolish. 

He's been asking for something, something personal. Oh it's foolish. 

When I was a child, I dreaded the words, "...because I said so". I cringed whenever my parents uttered them. 

Now that I am older I demand logic, reasoning, and understanding. Intelligence. 

When the pulling came, I reasoned with it. When questions came, I created logic. Trying to make intelligence out of foolishness, I compromised. 

He keeps pulling. He keeps asking. 

He is asking of my diet. 

I understand it, but I don't. 

It seems like something so personal and inconsequential could be and should be mine and mine alone. 

But He wants it.

He wants it all, and wants me to give my all. 

He knows my heart. He knows what I treasure. It's not money. It's not grandeur. It's not fame. 

It's food. Yes, it's foolish. 

So next time someone asks me, why I eat the way that I will, I can only say, "...because He told me so." It's not for any other reason. It's for obedience. 

This is what God is asking of my life. Perhaps not yours, but mine. 

I suppose Sampson also thought  it was foolish. 

Lord, please help me to obey. You can have it all.