" I want sex more than my husband."

I was not going to write this, but the bathroom changed my mind. 

 There I was online, when the urge hit to use the bathroom. This is not usually an event in our home as we are only two living in a 2,000sq ft home with two full bathrooms. Today was different.  Yes, this is all relevant.

Our master bathroom is having some plumbing issues which temporarily leaves us with one working john.  To my dismay, my husband was in the shower of that one working bathroom. This is the first time that this has happened in the time that we have been married. It was weird and downright awkward for me. I had so many questions. Do I barge in? Do I knock? Do I wait? I really did not know what to do.  I had the legitimate need and right to use that bathroom and had I knocked he would have let me in. My loving husband would not deprive me. In this situation, I decided not to exert my right.  After a moment of hesitation, I decided that the best way to serve my husband at that moment was to hold my…peace. So that is exactly what I did. Thankfully, I did not have to wait long.

This experience taught me something. I am not at all an expert, but I love to share what I know. It may not be popular, but it is important. It dawned on me that this occurrence is a darn good example of married sex. Sometimes, the urge hits. If you are reading this, it is probably because the urge hits quite often and quite intensely. Nothing is wrong with that, absolutely nothing. There is a challenge in that though. Does the urge give us the right to bypass our husband’s needs? In my opinion, no it does not.  To be fair, I am making a big assumption here. I am assuming that you are in a healthy marriage and that you and your husband are healthy individuals sexually and mentally. If this is not the case, I would strongly encourage you to contact a professional. Whether it is a medical doctor or counselor, there is help out there. Do not hesitate or be ashamed to reach out.  If this assumption holds true in your marriage, read on.  I am from the Carrie Bradshaw school of thought in regards to sharing about my sex life. Whether or not The Mr . colors in or outside the lines is not for the interwebs to know. Kudos to you if you get that reference. I will tell you this though. It is something that has pretty much rocked our socks off…and other unmentionables as well.  It is kind of like our special little secret. Here it goes.

Sex is not intended for me.

That’s right. Repeat after me, “Sex is not intended for me.”

Marriage is not about your needs sexually, emotionally, financially, or otherwise. It is about serving your spouse. Letting this attitude lead is absolutely liberating.  The Mr. shares the same mindset, and because of this we have … well, you really do not need to know all of that. However, this you need to know.  You are doomed if you go into marriage thinking that marriage is about your needs being fulfilled. I am sorry, but I know no pretty way to say it. Yes, marriage is beautiful and sex is great; but selfish sex is not satisfying sex.  Selfish sex is easy and cheap. It is like the vending machine in the break room. You put your dollar in, and get a packaged snack to chew on.  Unfortunately in about an hour you are hungry once again. Marriage sex is extravagant. Sometimes you have to make reservations in advance.  The menu prices are high, but the meal hits the spot every time.

The Bible puts it this way in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (MSG) : Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.

I challenge you. Instead of complaining, “I want sex more than my husband”; ask, “What does my husband need from me?”  Ask yourself, and ask him. Talk about it. Pray about it. Wife, hold your peace. Husband, pay the cost. When a husband and wife are both seeking to serve each the other, neither receives specifically what they request. Yet somehow, both needs are met.