Single Problems

I was single before I met The Mr. Really. Really single.

Though I had gone on some dates with other men, The Mr. was my first boyfriend. I was well into my twenties at the time.

When single I received a lot of advice. Truthfully, I don't really remember much of it. I remember how it made me feel though.

It made me feel like I was some sort of incomplete being, though I didn't really feel that way (most of the time). It made me feel like I needed to be perfect in order to reach the royal state of marriage, and once perfect Mr. Right would come knocking at my door. He would come with a tuxedo and dozens of roses. That's how I would know that he was "The One". Shame on me if I settled for less.

I had a feeling they were wrong, but now that I have been married for more than a day I know for sure. This is wrong. So wrong.

Completion is found in Christ alone and has nothing to do with a ring on my finger or having someone to lay with at night. surprise. surprise. I am not perfect, and The Mr. has yet to show up in a tuxedo.

Let's be honest married folks. Settling for less has everything to do with character and little to do with gifts and romance. A marriage certificate is not the diploma of successful singleness. On the contrary marriage shows you just how imperfect you are. It bring out your weaknesses like no other. It brings you to a place of being at the end of yourself. You can either cling to yourself and watch your marriage crumble or cling to God's way of living and watch it thrive. You are married. You know that. I know that. Why aren't we sharing that with our single friends? I think it's because we are afraid. I think we are afraid that they will use this as an excuse to truly settle, in a bad way. We need to stop that foolishness though. Let's just be real, and let God handle the rest.

Amazingly enough, I was the Mr.'s first girlfriend. He was well into his twenties as well. We had no clue what we were doing when we started dating. I didn't know that I was "supposed to" watch gory movies without complaining, and he didn't know that he was "supposed to" show up to my home in a tuxedo with dozens of roses. Instead, I wound up falling asleep at the movies and he showed up at my door in his UCF shirt. Sounds so wrong, right?
Until you look a little further. We lived a two and a half hour drive from each other so the movies became a place to nap before heading out the road. He showed up at my house after a week of house hunting and work deadlines as I received news of my Grandmother's passing. For the first time in days, I was able to rest for a bit.

That's love.

What is my point? Don't reduce your love story to a formula. It's a beautifully complex story that deserves to be rightfully told. Also, don't judge your single friends by your actions when single. Allow them the opportunity to live, love, and write their own stories.

I find it a good thing to encourage our single friends, but let's be careful. That's all I am really saying.