Beating the Housewife Blues

It's getting cold (well, actually I live in Florida...so it's not getting cold here quite yet. But still, theoretically). The Holidays are hectic. Not having the daily routine that is the 9-5 work schedule, can make it that much more difficult to stay motivated throughout the day. Please tell me that I am not the only one that has struggled with this.
For the record, I am NOT talking about depression. Depression is a serious problem, and if you think you might be dealing with depression please (oh-please) talk to a professional.
The blues that I am describing is just that, the blues. I fell prey to the blues just a couple or so weeks ago. These steps had me feeling like my bubbly, perky, happy old self quicker than I thought possible.

Without any further ado, here they are.

1. Proverbs. I was encouraged to start reading the book of Proverbs, one chapter a day.
That's exactly what I did. I dropped my devos and went straight to The Word every morning. Devotionals are wonderful, and I will go back to them. However, there is something to the practical yet powerful impact of Proverbs that has helped to focus me again. I would challenge you to try it. There is nothing sweeter than God's Word. Whether it be Proverbs, Matthew, or Psalms dive into it the morning before you even start your day.


2. Sunlight. Open up the blinds.
There may or may not be too much sunlight where you are currently residing, but in either case natural light does wonders for the human psyche.

3. Take a multi-vitamin.
It is imperative for your body to get the nutrients that it needs. In all of our busyness, our well balanced meals can easily turn into pizza deliveries at 8pm. It's no wonder that our mood is affected. Try adding a daily multi-vitamin to your daily routine and watch the blues roll right away.

4. 30 minute walk a day. ( Mailbox run/walk)
I turned into a fierce workout machine after losing over 40lbs and my job. I had all of the time and energy that I needed to continue towards my fitness goals. How could I not? Attending a Zumba class was no question. The question was how many Zumba classes was I going to attend that day. I would literally do 8-10hrs of Zumba a week in addition to countless hours on the elliptical and treadmill. I didn't even count the training circuits that I did. This all came to a halt when I had to forfeit my gym memberships. (Yes. Plural. I was a member of two gyms when we were able to afford it.) After weeks of fighting through my makeshift exercises, I slowly lost interest and stopped exercising. In beating the blues I committed to taking a walk for 30 minutes a day. It kind of felt like a joke to me. I used to burn an average of 800 calories an hour. A 30 minute walk would put me at burning MAYBE 150-200 calories. Ouch. I did it anyway. It has been more refreshing to me than I first thought it could ever be. I even started a walk/jog regimen. I walk from one mailbox to the next, then run from one mailbox to the next, and so on and so on. Trust me when I say that I am NO runner. Even in my peak, I hated running. Regardless, I am having a good time doing this!

5. Drink more water. 
You can be dehydrated without even know it. Dehydration affects your digestive system, your mood, and so much. I am sure a doctor could detail that for you ;) Anyhow, drink more water. Trust me. I know from experience.

There it is.
If you are struggling with the blues, fret not. You aren't alone. You are beautiful. You are loved.
It will take some effort, but commit to trying these steps.
It's a great place to start.

No More "Just" Friends

There is something about the Christmas season that tends to be unfair to singles. Even those happily single can not escape the romance comedies and the in-your-face cuddling in front of the fireplace. It is all too easy to fall prey to the pity party, and I fell into it many, many times. 

In this post, I want to encourage you single lady. I am not going to tell you how lucky you are to have parents who love you and a family that makes amazing home cooked meals; though you are. 

I want to talk to you about your male friends. You have them. I know you do. And no, I am not speaking of friends with benefits or time wasters. Neither am I referring to secret crushes. I am talking about wholesome, platonic male friendships. 

Got it? 

Good. 

When family members ask about that guy that accompanied you to a Holiday party and co-workers ask about the attractive man you went to lunch with, the answer is always the same. He is just a friend. I hate that "just". It carries a bit of a negative connotation. Embrace the friendship. Treasure it. Enjoy it. Surely these male friendships will change when you get married, and change they must. Nothing is lost when this change occurs, but take advantage of this time. 

I had a few "just" friends in my single years. In these friendships I found entertainment, advice, and companionship. They attributed a lot to my well being and maturity. As a matter of fact, I honestly don't think that my husband and I would not be as compatible as we are had I not learned what I did from these friendships. They taught me how to be friends with men without having a lingering sexual tension. This is critical in purity before marriage and during. They taught me who Norah Jones was, and for this reason I can more so appreciate Adele and her greatness. They taught me how to create and abide by a budget and how to manage a checking account. Priceless.  They told me about the most amazing jazz club in Tampa,FL. My husband and I frequent this spot to this very day. 

So, have fun with your friends during this holiday season. 

Have dinner with Joe. 

Catch a movie with Riley. 

Go to the Christmas concert with Jason. 

Accompany Harold to that function he invited you to. 

You are not as lonely as you may think. Celebrate this season. There is a season for everything. The season of marriage will come in time. 

It will be amazing. 

You won't then long for this season of friendships, but  you will then see a value in it that you might not be able to see today.

Trust me on this one. 

<3 you! 

The Most Underestimated Flower of Them All

Flowers are expensive. We covered that here. 

Today I wanted to introduce you to a flower that you have met before. 

It's chic. It's classic. It's simple. It's beautiful, and yes, it's affordable. 

Meet Baby's Breath, again. 

The options are limitless with Baby's Breath, even on a limited budget. 

It's not about me. It's not about me. I keep telling myself that.

At age 15, I decided that I wanted to make my own paycheck so against my parent's wishes I got a job. 

At age 17-sh, I decided I needed a car so I purchased one. 

At age 19, I decided that I wanted to buy a brand new car so I did. 

What does this have to do with Sheila Gregoire's Wifey Wednesday? 

Everything. 

Keep reading.

Let's fast forward to age 29. I am happily married to the man of my dreams. However, it is the best of times and the worst of times. Getting married to the man of my dreams also meant uprooting my life in my hometown, leaving my family and friends, and quitting my job that I had done well with for years. Surprisingly, I found a job in my new city rather quickly, but come to find out having a job isn't everything. It's about having a job where you can have a positive impact or at least a job that you do not feel used and abused by.

Therefore I quit. 

Twice.

  

In 2008 I purchased yet another new car, but today we can't afford it. It was surrendered back to our finance company. My cell phone has been disconnected. Despite all of this, I still have a car to drive and fancy new smartphone with unlimited everything. We have a beautiful house that we own and two vehicles that have been paid for in full. Last night we purchased a fridge full of groceries. There is nothing that I need that I do not have. God is faithful, and my husband is an amazing provider.
I am living some woman's dream. So why am I still struggling with self pity, doubt, and sadness?
Come to find out, a paycheck is not just a paycheck.
My paycheck was validation for my work, and for me. It was the promise that I had something to offer. More than anything, my paycheck was a means of providing for myself. I can no longer decide and buy or plan and purchase. Everything I do must be submitted to my husband. He is not a dictator. He provides for my wants and my needs, but losing myself hurts.
Becoming one hurts.
Every time I rely on my husband for something, I am reminded of my pride. Yes. I would rather dig up change to buy a bag of Cheetos for lunch then to ask my husband if we could go grocery shopping earlier than planned because I have nothing to eat throughout the day. This is horrible, and makes my husband feel even worse. He longs for my happiness, and it is his delight to provide for me to best of his ability. It reminds me of the humility needed to approach God, and it paints the picture of God's desire to give to us His bride. My pride gets in the way.

Each time that I am reminded of my pride, I am reminded of this...

I Peter 5:6

"Therefore humble yourselves [demote, lower, yourselves in your own estimation] under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you."

and ultimately this...

Ephesians 2:8-9

"For it is by free grace (God's unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgement and made partakers of Christ's salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law's demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.]

I am a work in progress, but this I know. It is not about me. This applies to my circumstances and it applies to sex. In marriage we give what we got. If you are anything like me, the giving is your favorite part. However, surrendering isn't just about the give. It's about having nothing left. It's about out the all. It's about the submission to God's will, and the submitting to your spouse. It hurts. It's hard. It's not a wonder so many marriages fail. We desperately need God in every crevice of our marriage. God has a way of making the beautiful mess that is me into a beautiful us that is our marriage.

So whether it be in finances, sex, or career, surrender. Simply surrender. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

"He has made everything beautiful in its time..."

Location. Location. Location.

One of the biggest aspects of your wedding's style is the venue. The venue and catering is also the largest piece of the puzzle that is your budget. 

As it is in real estate, it is in your wedding. Location is key. 

This post will walk you through 3 practical deciding factors (along with questions to ponder) to help guide you. Of course, as a stylist I would much rather focus on the frilly and glitzy, but the practical is necessary. Once we get this out of the way, we can start building upon it with the more fun stuff. I am going to try to make this as quick, informative, and painless as possible. Notice the emphasis on "try"?

Here we go.  

1. Accessibility - Where are you and your guests coming from? Where will you be getting ready? Are tolls a factor? Are there out of town guests to accommodate? Will you have the ceremony/reception at one venue? If not, how close are the venues to each other? How close is the venue form a major road or highway? Is there adequate parking for your guests? Are there accommodations for handicapped guests?

2. Affordability - Cost is the unavoidable bottom line, but do not forget to think about value. Let's say you have two options priced exactly the same. 

One looks like this:

The other looks like this:

Both cost the same. Both include tables, tablecloths, and chairs. Which one is the greater value? 

Based on this information and the pictures alone, the second is the greater value. The decorative light fixtures, ceilings, and picturesque windows provide such a beautiful backdrop for a wedding reception. The first space, though adequate, would take a lot more work and money to provide the beauty that the second space already has before any additional funds are spent. 

However, if the first space also included food with the pricing... 

BAM! 

They win. 

Your venue takes up a large percentage of your budget. Weigh your options carefully by weighing their value along with the price. Other points to ponder: What is the cake cutting fee? Are chairs included in the ceremony space? 

3. Flexibility - This is a BIG one. Your wedding will not go as planned. I'm sorry, but I have to be honest. It doesn't mean that something critical will go wrong. It just means that life happens. Our wedding reception ran a bit late, but no one shoo-ed us away. We were not charged extra. The venue was flexible. Our wedding date actually changed in the middle of our planning process, both our ceremony and reception venues were completely flexible with this. Flexibility should be a huge factor in your decision. Keep in mind that this is a contract situation. Be reasonable. However, consider these questions to help you make a great choice. Will your reception venue allow for outside food? (Outside food is one of the best ways to save money on your wedding) How many hours will you have to prepare and decorate? Will you be allowed in the day before for rehearsal? Is there another event going on that same day that may hinder their flexibility with yours?

Whew!! That was a tough one to get through. I think I need some Pinterest therapy after this one. lol! 

Selah (pause and think about that)

*I have read this on many occasions, but something about this Amplified version made me really ponder it. Read it. Selah.

 

Proverbs 31

¹THE WORDS of Lemuel king of Massa, which his mother taught him:    ²What, my ^[a]son? What, son of my womb? What [shall I advise you], son of my vows and dedication to God?
    ³Give not your strength to [loose] women, nor your ways to those who and that which ruin and destroy kings.
    ⁴It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to desire strong drink,^{(A)
    5}Lest they drink and forget the law and what it decrees, and pervert the justice due any of the afflicted.
    ⁶Give strong drink [as medicine] to him who is ready to pass away, and wine to him in bitter distress of heart.
    ⁷Let him drink and forget his poverty and [seriously] remember his want and misery no more.
    ⁸Open your mouth for the dumb [those unable to speak for themselves], for the rights of all who are left desolate and defenseless;^{(B)
    9}Open your mouth, judge righteously, and administer justice for the poor and needy.^{(C)
    10}A capable, intelligent, and ^[b]virtuous woman--who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.^{(D)
    11}The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.
    ¹²She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.
    ¹³She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands [to develop it].
    ¹⁴She is like the merchant ships loaded with foodstuffs; she brings her household's food from a far [country].
    ¹⁵She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual] food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks.^{(E)
    16}She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard. [S. of Sol. 8:12.]
    ¹⁷She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm.
    ¹⁸She tastes and sees that her gain from work [with and for God] is good; her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust].
    ¹⁹She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
    ²⁰She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit].
    ²¹She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet.^{(F)
    22}She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made].^{(G)
    23}Her husband is known in the [city's] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.^{(H)
    24}She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles [or sashes that free one up for service].
    ²⁵Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]!
    ²⁶She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].
    ²⁷She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.^{(I)
    28}Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],
    ^29[c]Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.
    ³⁰Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!
    ³¹Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates [of the city]!^(J)

 

Intentional Intimacy

You already know that this is an extremely busy time of year. I don't have to tell you that, but here is something you might need to hear.

YOU HAVE ALL OF THE TIME YOU NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH GOD (1ST) AND YOUR SPOUSE (2ND). 

That's right. You I do. 

The question is, "Will you I?"

Will you I prioritize your time with Christ above the shopping, cooking, and cleaning?

Will you I choose to bless your spouse before getting caught up with general busyness?

This isn't a challenge to avoid responsibility. It's a call to use time wisely. 

It's a call to keep the main thing, the main thing. 

Here are some practical tips to help us do just that. 

God first.

1. Subscribe to a daily devotional. I subscribe to Calvary Chapel Melbourne and Get Up With God  and both of these devos get sent to my inbox every morning. I wish I could tell you that I wake up every morning and go straight to my Bible, but I don't. As a matter of fact, I tend to go to my e-mail inbox first. See where I am getting at? These help. A lot.

2. Set a reminder on your cell phone. Don't be too prideful to try it. It is better to spend time with Jesus than to not. Agreed? 

Enough said.

3. Fast the news, Facebook, Twitter (GASP!), or some other daily ritual in your life for 14 days. Instead of watching the news, use that time to dig into God's Word and spend time in prayer.

Spouse second.

1. Next time you feel like complaining or nagging to your spouse, text them a message just because instead. Don't ask them for anything. Don't complain. Just appreciate, love, and compliment them. Let it be honest and sincere. Let it be intentional. 

2. Decide to discover what your spouse needs from you today. This is an active and continual process. It may be affection, attention, time, encouragement, accountability, time alone...It can be just about anything. Be observant. Discover what would serve your spouse today, and seek to do just that. 

3.  Serve your spouse in bed. Sex is good VERY good. (Yea, I know. I am such a newly wed lol) The fact remains that it's so good that sometimes it's difficult to remember that it's not about how good it makes us feel. It is about serving our spouse, so do it. That may mean being intentional about carving the time out for it. It may mean trying a new position that your spouse has expressed interest in. It may mean slowing it down a bit. You know what it means in your marriage. If you don't, it's time to open up the communication with your spouse on the subject. 

5 Nice Guys You Might Be Ignoring (for single ladies only!)

If I wasn't a God fearing woman, I would believe that meeting my husband was a fluke. I friended him before "friending" was an acceptable word. It was before Facebook was open to the public, and before I had even heard of it.

In 2005, I "friended" my husband on a site called BlackPlanet. The irony is that it is not a dating site (yes, it still exists), and well....I'm not black. (though I can make a compelling case, but I digress. lol). For years we chatted before and after college graduations, new jobs, broken hearts, and pretty much anything else you can imagine. I never imagined meeting him in person, much less marrying him. As a matter of fact, after an online dating disaster I proclaimed to my mother, " I will never again date another guy from online. I don't even talk to any guy from online anymore. Well, just this one guy but really...we are just friends." This was probably around the same time that The Mr told friends, "I would never be in a long distance relationship."

We were both wrong.

You say,"There are no single nice guys left."
You are wrong too.

These are the guys that you might be ignoring.

1. The Nice Guy Long Time Friend
He knows your secrets. You know his. You complete each other's thoughts, share one another's milestones, and your friendship just clicks. UNLESS you look at him and see your brother, you just might be ignoring a winner.

2. The Nice Guy at Church
This is the guy that is always at church. He is the one depended on to do sound, fill in with the children's ministry, and even serve spaghetti dinners. He is always smiling and always already to serve. He opens the door for you. You may have even caught yourself staring at him as he walked some of the elderly ladies to their cars. Nice guys like these really shouldn't finish last.

3. The Nice Guy at Work
This is the guy that actually shows concern when you say that you were  out sick. He greets you in the hallway, and even offered to split his sandwich with you when you forgot your lunch. Perhaps you were too caught up with work to notice, but he's there. It's time to pay attention.

4. The Nice Guy at the Store
This guy works at your local Starbucks, CVS, or maybe even Target. He is always clean cut and professional. He's friendly for friendly sake. You know each others name, not just because he has a name tag on, but because you frequent this store quite a bit. Don't judge a book by its cover. Having a job in retail doesn't mean that he has no goals. You might be surprised at what you could find under the surface. I met a guy like this once. We never sparked a romance, but he was a friend. He also introduced me to Norah Jones' music, and for that I will be forever grateful.

5.  The Nice Guy you just Met
He approached you respectfully. He seems to love the Lord. He has a killer smile and a great sense of humor. Don't count him out just because you are nervous about meeting someone new. He may just turn out to be a good friend, but he could turn out to be Mr. Right.

The truth is that you just don't know how God will bring this compatible man to your life. Be prayerful always. Pay attention to red lights always, but keep your eyes open. Some of the best surprises are hidden under our nose. ;) Love you!

This and That

This. 

This is beautiful. This is gorgeous. 

This is expensive. 

This is the work of many. 

This is a production. 

This isn't evil, but this isn't the dream.

That. 

That is style. That is possible. 

That is love. 

That is reality. 

That is a wedding. 

That isn't expensive, but that isn't any less valuable. 

Click here to see more pictures from this gorgeous ceremony. 

*DISCLAIMER: Big expensive weddings are not the enemy, but my goal is to show you that regardless of your budget beyoutiful is possible. Hopefully you are starting to believe me.  

No Budget Christmas

There is finally another use for our card holder from our wedding. 

This year we are filling it with a few "presents" written on note cards. It's a bit of a modern twist on the love coupon classic. We chose options such as: 100 kisses, 5 things I love about you, and etc; but they can be as naughty or nice as you want them to be. 

On Christmas Eve night, after our special intimate dinner for two, we will take turns drawing a "present". I'm excited!  

Whether your finances are tied up with planning your wedding or this year has you being a bit more conservative with your money, this idea works. 

What would you write on your note cards?

3 Bridesmaid Dresses under $50 (and other good stuff)

This is the perfect time to shop for bridesmaid dresses for your upcoming wedding. 'Tis the season where dresses that are inappropriate for the winter go on sale. These clearance items can be perfection for your Spring/Summer wedding. The key is to open up your search to department stores and clothing stores. If you have not yet noticed, allow me to enlighten you. Anything with the word "wedding" attached to it usually carries a hefty price tag. In my opinion, it's yet another marketing scheme to prey on brides for impulsive purchases. However, in some cases the price increase is justified by the offering of personalized services and options. Whatever the case, I still believe that an in budget and in style wedding is within any brides reach. Trust me. The key is to hone in on your style and your budget. Do NOT buy stuff just because it is within budget. That's right. DO NOT. That would be the best way to blow your budget. Make a plan, and shop accordingly.

But oh yea.

This post is about bridesmaid dresses. Oh how I digress. Here are my picks. ENJOY! ;)

I love DIY bridesmaid options. In other words, I you set the style and your bridesmaids shop accordingly. It takes a little pressure off of the bride, and affords the bridesmaids the opportunity to choose a dress that they feel comfortable with financially. Cardigans are such a practical and chic way to infuse style into your wedding.  A dress is backdrop, but don't be afraid to merchandise it up a bit.

This DIY bridesmaid dress idea also works with little black (or little white) dresses, but of course you already know that. Here is a twist on that idea that really caught my eye.

This type of beauty speaks for itself. True story? 

True story.

The remaining looks are dresses currently available for under $50. Don't forget to think outside the ad. Find ways to add style, or better yet allow your bridesmaids to accessorize the dress how they wish. 

Either way, make it beautiful! 

Classic + Beautiful $39.99
Click here to view JcPenney ad.

Multi-wear Twist and Wrap Dress $31.99
This dress is available in 6 different colors and can be worn in about 4 different ways.  It's absolutely a winner.
Click here for Target ad.

Sleeveless Satin A-line Dress with Lace Detail  $29.99
The dress is on clearance there is only one color available and limited sizes.
Click here to view the David's Bridal ad.

Bouquet Swap

According to www.weddingstats.org the average cost of wedding flowers in 2011 is between $1,844-$2,062. You can read it for yourself right here. For some of us that is just a tad bit expensive.

Okay. It is very expensive, or at least for me it was. I was tasked with planning my own wedding for 200 guests with a budget of less than $5,000. Yup. That's what I was working with when my planning our dream beach wedding in the summer of 2010.

Here's how we tackled this budget buster, and won. 

My bridal bouquet had 2 bunches of white hydrangea, 18 roses, and baby's breath with swirls of greenery. $80 from a local florist. (My groom's matching boutonniere was also created by a local florist. It featured white roses for the low cost of $10.) The brooches on my bouquet were mementos from my late grandmothers, so there were no cost for those.

Instead of using bridesmaids bouquets, I opted to use oriental fans. These fans were perfect for our outdoor beach wedding and beautifully adorned with a different brooch. I purchased the fans online at www.theknot.com and the brooches were on sale at Walmart. The total for the 6 bridesmaids was $35.

I REALLY wanted blue hydrangea boutonnieres for the groom's men, but my florist warned me against it. It was something about the blue hydrangea not holding up in the sun. Blah. Blah. Blah. I saw this as a personal challenge. I went to the my local Joann's Fabric store purchased silk flowers and adorable silver colored boutonniere flower holder. (I'm sure there's a better term, but that's all I got. lol) Together with a little bit of foam, wire, and some elbow grease I made it happen for $20.

I found metallic baskets at a yard sale, spray painted them silver, and filled them with petals made from the remnants of the boutonniere flowers for my adorable flowers. Total was about $13.

In lieu of corsages for the mothers, they were walked down the aisle with a parasol overhead that they then were handed upon sitting down. Needless to say, our mothers were very thankful to have the extra protection from the sun. They also looked super chic for the low cost of $15 total. (They were purchased online)

It was truly a win-win. 

Judge for yourself. 

That is one classy mama!!

The total cost for "flowers" in our ceremony was $173. Our ceremony took place on a deck overlooking a gorgeous Florida beach, therefore our ceremony site needed very little adornment.

Will this look work for every wedding? Oh heaven's no. It worked for ours because it fit our style, venue, and event. Look outside of the box, tap into your style, and you will find options galore for your wedding day as well.

Regardless of your location, I can style (and help you hunt down everything you need for) a look for your wedding that fits your budget and style. Every bride deserves a wedding that is just beyoutiful.

Contact me at kristyna.richards@gmail.com and let me know what I can do to help. 

The 3 Biggest Surprises of Marriage

The Mr. and I have been married for just over a year, a year and three months to be exact. Obviously, we   are not experts. However, we do consider ourselves students of marriage. There is much we don't know, but there is much we have learned and observed in the past 15 months. Here are the 3 biggest surprises we have encountered along the way. 

1. Marriage requires more words than singleness. 

Life is different when you are single. It can be 3am when you have a craving for McDonald's. Let's say you decide to just get up, throw some clothes on, and head to Mickey D's. It's truly a non-event. No explanations needed. No questions asked. Try pulling that off without words in marriage. Actually, please don't. It can lead to unnecessary hurt and confusion. That's just an example, but trust me on this one. Marriage requires many, many words in and out of bed. Moving on.

2. Providing and being provided for isn't as easy as it sounds. 

It's quite the opposite. The Mr. describes it as an adjustment. He is exceptionally modest. If I were The Mr. I would probably describe it as cruel and unusual punishment ...well, you get the idea. I see  admire the sense of responsibility that my husband has to make sure that our needs are met and that I am as comfortable and satisfied as possible. It further encourages me to take care of him, and make sure that he stays strong, satisfied, and happy. It's a challenge for both of us at times.

Life happens, jobs don't pan out, and maybe just maybe I use too much toilet paper. ;) Jokes aside, allowing myself to be provided for as a wife has been one of my most humbling experiences. It's not easy letting go of items that have been tokens of my hard work and effort, but sometimes it's necessary. It's an act of submission. It's falling under the protection of my husband. Confronting these issues as one takes a supernatural type of something. It takes Jesus Christ.

3. Even when you're frustrated with each other, you aren't sick of one another.

Because of our faith, we did not live together prior to getting married. Not only did we not live together, we lived on opposite sides of the state throughout all of the years that we dated. Marriage is the absolute opposite of that. We have been together every day and every night for the past 15 months, and though we know we will at some point have to spend a night or two away from each other, we absolutely adore it. Even if there was a disagreement that day, that night we lie in bed together. There is no sleeping on the couch. There is no one else we would rather be with than each other. 

How long have you been married? And what surprises have you encountered? Talk to me. 

Fabulous. Beautiful. Intelligent. Single lady

I was single a lot longer than I have been married, so i am dedicating every Sunday to my single ladies. Trust me, it is all fresh in my mind. The awkward pauses, waiting, wondering, new outfits, first kisses, and everything in between. There is so much that I wish I could go back to tell myself in those days. Thankfully,  because of God's grace I had moments of clarity back then, even without knowing the end of story. It was after a spontaneous trip to Jacksonville, FL that I had a pep talk with myself. You see, I was the queen of rejection. I was rejected, therefore I rejected.  

After that trip I made the decision to be a bit more open. It was not a means to compromise my standard, but a way to put down my guard. Originally I probably told myself something along the lines of, "Snap out of it! If you ever want to get married, you are going to have to be a bit more approachable." 

Here is pretty much the same pep talk, but gussied up a bit with more insight that I have gained along the way. 

Fabulous. Beautiful. Intelligent. Single lady. It's okay for you to ask out a guy every now and again. It doesn't make you any less fabulous or any less you. It doesn't mean that you will one day have to pop the question and be the sole provider of the home. It just means that you want to hang out with the guy. Don't put the cart before the horse, or the ring before the first date. 

Just because you can make a man jump through hoops for you, it doesn't mean that his heart for you. Don't trust the game. Don't trust the obstacle course that you laid out for him to conquer. Don't trust your heart, completely. Trust what you see (the good, the bad, and the ugly), not what you want to see. I'm not telling you to marry the frog. I'm just reminding you that the Prince is not just a notion. He's a real man, with real feelings, needs, thoughts, and concerns. Above all, trust God. 

Don't make yourself more than you are, and don't make Mr. Right out to be some sort of a god. He's not and neither are you.

I'll end with this. Some time ago, I remember yelling at my brother. He was going out on a first date, but he hadn't had time to change out of work clothes or get a haircut. For the sake of wanting everything to go well for him, I pleaded with him to make a quick pit stop so he could look presentable for his date. He said,"If she's going to like me, she's going to have to like me for me."

They just celebrated their one yr wedding anniversary yesterday. So maybe it's time to decide that this tough talking, diva walking, demand giving approach isn't working out. Maybe it's time to get real, be real, and get to know people.

Give Mr. Right the chance to find you, the real you, that's hiding behind this mess. Because truly, you can't demand love. When it comes, it comes freely and wholeheartedly....mutually. 

I say this because I love you. I really do.

*God works in mysterious ways. It was this philosophy that led me to ask this young man that I had been chatting online with for years to be my wedding date. A few years later he would accompany me to another wedding. Ours.  ;)

What do you think? Let's talk about it. 

5 Engagement Rings Under $100

Enjoy!

Pretty in Blue Sapphire
Click here for Etsy listing.

Radiant White Sapphire $99
Click here for the Helzberg listing.

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Ring (on sale) $89
Click here for the Helzberg listing.

Tuxedo Style Diamonds. Real ones. (on sale) $49
Click here for Amazon listing.

Beautiful White Topaz $84
Click here for Etsy listing.

Such a Pretty Pearl. $44
Click here for Etsy listing.

I couldn't stop at just five. Sorry! lol The moral of the story is that there are options. Beyoutiful options at sensible prices.

Need help searching for a special little something for your beyoutiful wedding? Contact me at Kristyna.Richards@gmail.com.

Beyoutiful Beginnings

“Can I see that one please?” I asked the saleswoman.

The well dressed jeweler though polite looked at me sympathetically. She looked at me as though I reeked. I reeked with the scent of hopes, dreams, and all things happy. All things unrealistic.

My thoughts could not have been more contrary. Though my boyfriend and I had only been together for just over a month, I knew. I didn’t know if he knew, but I knew. Or at least I hoped.

This explains the look.

I continued in confidence because as certain as I felt about me and my boyfriend’s future was just as certain as I felt about this ring. He suited me. It suited me.

For the record, I love Helzberg Diamonds. ­(And no, I am not getting compensated for saying that.)

Here is the ring that caught my eye.

Just enough sparkle. Just enough trendy. Just enough artistry. After trying it on, I left the mall as if floating on a cloud. At the time the ring was priced at $999. On one end of the spectrum it sounded like a ton of money, but on the other side it didn’t quite sound like enough. Yup. I said it. For a split second I thought, “…but isn’t it supposed to cost more?” Though not rich, I knew that two months of my boyfriend’s salary was in the thousands not a thousand. What would people think?

“Who cares?”

Now THAT sounded more like me. The truth is that this “rule” about the engagement ring having to cost two month’s salary is a product of the industry. It was invented to sell more diamonds. Surprised? Of course not. Another truth is that diamonds did not even become a stable of engagement rings until 1930. It does not mean that diamonds are evil and so are all things expensive. It simply means that you have choices. Believe me. YOU HAVE OPTIONS. If you know your boyfriend’s budget is limited, be sensible. Don’t be less you. Simply research until you find it. (or let me do the leg work for you)

Don’t let a big paycheck dictate your ring either.  Bigger isn’t always better. Look for rings that suit your look and your lifestyle.  

I couldn’t see the future. I couldn’t see the couple more years of long distance dating that I would have with my wonderful boyfriend. I couldn’t see the perfectly simple yet ridiculously thoughtful and romantic proposal that this man would one day plan. I almost flipped when I saw that little burgundy box. Yes, I would become his Mrs., and he would become my Mr. The ring pictured above is currently sitting on my finger as I type. I only wish I could go back to that same saleswoman and simply wave to her; with my left hand of course. ;)

*I did however write a review of the ring on the Helzberg website. It was written the day  after the proposal (November 8, 2009), and it is painfully obvious how excited I was about being engaged to the man of my dreams. It's pretty cute. You can read it here.

What's your engagement ring story? Did you choose it? Was it chosen for you? Was it an heirloom gift? I would love to hear all about it. Please comment and share.